Writer's Guardian

I had practically finished my hot-dog by now and was looking around for something to wipe off the tomato sauce and sausage fat that was festering all over my fingers.

Eating with the English middle classes is a very peculiar business.  When they dine indoors with utensils (knives and forks, that sort of thing) they have napkin lap-shields laid on.  Stood up outside though, when you actually need the bloody things, there’s nothing to clean one’s self. 

Eating with your hands, apparently, is acceptable during a barbecue.  After all, the Tudor's did it, and look how well they did.  So why not our contemporary savages? 

Napkins on laps inside and bugger all outside, is confusing to say the least?  I blame Colonel Sanders myself and I'll explain why next time.

Read part 12 soon...